When the Mask Becomes the Identity
We all wear masks, but for me, the unmasking process came through loss.
Everyone goes through periods of ups and downs, unleashing some self-reflection. I think it can become more prevalent after the loss of a loved one. When my brother and father passed away within one year of each other, I found myself exploring spirituality on a much deeper level. I’ve always considered myself spiritual, but grief led to self-introspection and exploring alternative methods of exploring the world beyond what we see day-to-day.
I was introduced to a spiritual healer, and at first, I wasn’t sure if this was the right path for me. It began with group sound healing and evolved into a more personalized one-on-one approach. For almost a year, a message kept recurring consistently:
“Take off the mask.”
Initially, I dismissed it. Then, after hearing it a few more times, I became curious. Although I still didn’t understand the message.
After sitting with it for some time, I realized I’d been wearing a mask my whole life and had become quite skilled at it.
It’s been over a year since I repeatedly heard the same message, and I think I’m finally starting to figure it out. I’ve realized I’ve been wearing a mask my entire life, and I’m not alone in my mask-wearing. To some extent, we are all wearing a mask of some sort.
Somewhere along the way, I lost myself. And if I’m being honest, I didn’t even notice I disappeared. I forgot who I was at the core and became more focused on being someone I thought I should or needed to be.
It wasn’t until I stepped away, sold our businesses, took a sabbatical, and stopped trying to manage every emotion that I started to hear my voice again. My true voice.
I’d been performing an identity I thought the world required of me by saying the right thing, wearing the proper outfit, making people comfortable, and keeping the peace. That was the mask I was wearing. The curated self I was showing the world because somewhere along the way, I was taught the real me wasn’t quite enough.
It made me question: “At what point do we completely lose ourselves to fit into this mold of expectation?”
Our masks become our identity, and we don’t even realize we are hiding. On the surface, we appear to be high-functioning, look successful, and are admired. Below the surface, we are disconnected, exhausted, numb, and quietly wondering, “Is this really who I am?”
An identity crisis I haven’t seen discussed much, or perhaps I wasn’t ready to receive the message. Either way, if this hits home, I want you to know:
You’re allowed to take off the mask.
You’re allowed to be messy, unpolished, unsure. To rest, cry, and say “I don’t know.” Stop pretending you don’t need help. And lastly, you’re allowed to admit you're tired of performing.
I’m a work in progress, but I’m further along than I’ve ever been. On a journey of unlearning and uncovering who I am beneath the layers.
Power isn’t lost with the removal of my mask. It’s quite the opposite. I finally gained my power, and it’s liberating.
At Drive Her Forward, we don’t ask women to put on a polished face. We ask them to come as they are and build something powerful from there.
How about you? What mask have you been wearing?
