When a Simple Reflection Exposes the Gap in Women’s Leadership

Recently, I was asked to do a simple exercise: highlight a woman who supported me in my career. Someone who mentored me, shaped me, or helped me rise.

It shouldn’t have been hard. And yet, I struggled.

Not because there weren’t women around me. There were plenty. But when I searched for women who truly influenced my career trajectory—women who opened doors, advocated for me, or helped me navigate leadership—I came up short.

If I’m being honest, it was far easier to list the men who shaped my career than the women.

That realization stopped me in my tracks.

This isn’t an indictment of women. It’s a reflection of the environments many of us came up in. Male-dominated industries. Competitive structures. Systems that rewarded scarcity thinking.

When there are only a few seats at the table, collaboration often gives way to comparison. And, yes, I’ll own my part in that. I wasn’t only competing against the system. I was competing against other women, too.

It’s something I shake my head at now. We should have collaborated more. We should have supported each other more. But the truth is, many of us didn’t know how, because we were never shown what that kind of leadership actually looked like.

Becoming the Mentor I Never Had

That discomfort is one of the reasons Drive Her Forward exists.

I didn’t start this platform because I had everything figured out. I started it because I didn’t.

When I looked back on my own career, I realized how different things might have felt if I’d had consistent access to high-level women who were willing to share what they’d learned without competition, posturing, or ego.

That gap became even more apparent during a recent conversation with a male colleague. He asked me about Drive Her Forward, not for himself, but for his twenty-something daughter.

His question was simple.

“Where would she find a group of high-level women to collaborate and network with on a consistent basis?”

I didn’t have a great answer. When I was her age, I didn’t have that either.

So I’m building it now.

That young woman has since joined the community. She’s surrounded by executive leaders, business owners, startup founders, professors, and senior managers. Women who’ve been in the room, made the decisions, and carried the weight.

And just as importantly, she brings something we need too—a fresh perspective, new ideas, and a willingness to question assumptions many of us have long accepted as truth.

That’s the power of real community. It doesn’t flow in one direction.

The Women Who Set the Leadership Standard

As I revisited the original exercise, something interesting happened.

While I struggled to name women who formally mentored me, I found it easy to name women I worked alongside who influenced me in less obvious ways.

They set the standard through consistency and resilience. Through how they showed up.

Many of these women were carrying heavy personal burdens. Single mothers. Women navigating divorce. Wives holding families together. Women dealing with challenges no one saw.

And yet, when they walked into the dealership, they were present and focused. 

At our Kia dealership, my husband and I adopted a principle we learned from Disney University: “Cinderella doesn’t have a bad day.”

The idea is simple. For most families, a trip to Disney is once-in-a-lifetime. They imagine the castle, the characters, the magic. No one expects Cinderella to be rude, distracted, or visibly frustrated. Whatever is happening behind the scenes stays there. The guest experience comes first.

We taught this to our staff. When you’re customer-facing, you show up with intention, regardless of what’s happening off-stage.

And the women on our team embodied this better than anyone.

Often better than me.

They somehow held it together. Their composure, grace, and professionalism made me proud to lead them. Over time, they became more than teammates. They became trusted allies.

Where That Principle Works—and Where It Starts to Break Down

That “Cinderella” mindset has its place, and it serves a real purpose. But like most leadership frameworks, it has limits. 

In customer-facing environments, it protects the experience and preserves trust. It’s part of the job.

But should it be the standard we live by as leaders off-stage?

Are women expected to move through their entire careers pretending nothing is wrong? Carrying everything quietly. Smiling through pressure, stress, and uncertainty because leadership demands composure at all times?

That feels unsustainable. And frankly, outdated.

There’s a difference between professionalism and performance. Between emotional regulation and emotional suppression. For many women in leadership, that line has been blurred for far too long.

Strength doesn’t require pretending everything is perfect. It requires discernment. Knowing when to hold steady and when to be real. Knowing how to lead with composure without disappearing behind a mask.

Redefining What Leadership Actually Looks Like

This is where I believe leadership is evolving, and where many women are leading the shift.

We don’t need more performative toughness. We don’t need louder voices or sharper elbows. We need grounded leaders who can hold complexity and remain human.

Kindness is not the opposite of power. 

The women who influenced me most weren’t the loudest or most aggressive. They were the most steady and the most reliable. The ones who lifted others without needing credit.

They understood that leadership isn’t about domination. It’s about durability.

And real durability is built on trust, earned through integrity and showing up consistently over time.

Becoming a “Real Cinderella”

So maybe the answer isn’t choosing between being Cinderella or being real.

Maybe it’s becoming a real Cinderella.

• A leader who understands the role without losing herself in it. 
• A leader who shows up with grace.
• A leader who doesn’t compete for relevance.
• A leader who builds rooms where others can rise.

That’s the leadership standard I believe in.

And it’s the standard Drive Her Forward is built on.

Not perfection or performance. With power rooted in clarity, community, and conviction.

Because the next generation deserves more than what many of us had.

They deserve to walk into rooms already built for them. Rooms where leadership is modeled honestly, collaboration is expected, and no one has to pretend they don’t have a bad day just to belong.

If you’re looking for a leadership space like this, Drive Her Forward may be the right room for you.

👉 Apply to the Drive Her Forward membership to lead alongside women who share your values.