Redefining Success for Women: Why Your Version Is the Only One That Matters

The Christmas Tree That Changed How I Think About Leadership

I am not the woman who decorates for every holiday.

You will not find me hanging pastel streamers for Easter or pulling ceramic pumpkins out the moment September hits. I’ve always found the cycle of constant decorating to be a poor use of time and money. If that’s your thing, truly, I admire it. Invite me over. I’ll compliment your house and happily drink the wine.

It just doesn’t inspire me. Between running a business and managing life, I don’t have the bandwidth.

Except for Christmas.

I am that person.

My tree is up by the first week of November. Sometimes late October if my husband is traveling. He can’t protest what he can’t see coming out of the attic.

While I don’t lean heavily into tradition, my Christmas tree is my sanctuary. It’s a week-long process. Day one is getting the tree out. Another night is fluffing the branches with a glass of wine and football in the background. Then comes the ribbon, woven intentionally from top to bottom. Finally, the ornaments, placed carefully based on color, shape, and weight.

I’m aiming for magazine-worthy. I know. It’s ridiculous. I learned it from my mother. And I love it.

But this year, my joy accidentally became someone else’s burden. And that changed how I think about leadership, influence, and the reason Drive Her Forward exists.

When Comparison Shows Up Quietly

Because of a heavy travel schedule, my tree was up early this year. A few weeks later, we had close friends over for dinner and the World Series.

Among them was one of my closest friends. A woman I deeply admire. She has walked through more loss in the last eighteen months than most people endure in a lifetime. The kind of loss that dismantles your sense of safety and leaves you searching for something solid to stand on.

Weeks later, her husband shared something that stopped me cold.

After seeing my tree, she became consumed with concern over hers. For ten years, their home had a kids’ tree. Mismatched ornaments. School crafts. The beautiful chaos of family life. But this year, she felt unsettled. She questioned whether she needed more grown-up décor. Whether her tree somehow signaled she hadn’t evolved.

My heart sank.

Had my ribbon and ornaments made her feel like she was failing?

It was never my intention. I love her. If she wanted to decorate with neon pipe cleaners, I would have celebrated it. But my version of joy had quietly become a mirror. And what it reflected back to her felt like inadequacy.

She wasn’t seeing my preferences. She was seeing a standard she thought she wasn’t meeting.

Why Women Second-Guess Themselves So Easily

This experience forced me to ask a difficult question.

Why are women so quick to doubt their decisions simply because another woman made a different one?

We often point to systems, expectations, or the patriarchy. And yes, those things exist. But we also need to be honest. Women are often most insecure with one another.

We’re not just trying to keep up. We’re apologizing for not matching.

This shows up everywhere:

• In how we lead our teams
  
  
• In how we parent
  
  
• In how we spend or save money
  
  
• In how we define success
  
  

When we see another woman thriving, our instinct isn’t always admiration. Too often it turns inward. What am I doing wrong?

We take someone else’s highlight and measure it against our private, unfinished reality.

How Conditioning Creates Burnout in Leadership

From an early age, women are taught to seek consensus. To read the room. To make sure everyone is comfortable.

This creates strong, empathetic leaders. But it also creates a habit of self-doubt.

We begin to outsource our confidence.

When my friend saw my tree, she didn’t see ribbon. She saw a benchmark. And because she was already vulnerable, her internal sense of stability was cracked. She looked at my precision and compared it to her own emotional chaos.

This happens in business every day.

A colleague gets promoted. A friend launches something new. Another woman appears to be doing it better, faster, cleaner.

Suddenly, we question our timing. Our priorities. Our path.

We start chasing goals that were never ours.

Owning Your Version of Success Without Apology

My friend eventually chose a grown-up tree style that felt right for her. It looked beautiful.

But the real issue wasn’t the décor. It was the anxiety she carried getting there. Years of memories suddenly felt inadequate because they didn’t match someone else’s season.

This is where leadership begins.

If you want a kids’ tree for twenty years because those memories matter, that is a powerful decision. If you want no tree at all because your energy belongs elsewhere, that is also leadership.

Confidence isn’t about aesthetics. It’s about the ability to witness someone else’s success without internalizing it as your failure.

Her path can be beautiful. And different.

How We Stop Tearing Ourselves Apart

If we want to lead better lives and businesses, we have to break the comparison cycle.

Here’s where it starts:

Name the Trigger
When you feel the urge to compare, pause. Ask yourself if you actually want what she has or if you’re afraid of looking behind.

Support Without Mimicking
Celebrate difference, not replication. I loved my tree. I loved hers too. Both were right.

Be Mindful of Influence
If you’re the woman with the polished outcome, show the process. Share the mess, the effort, the context.

Own Your Reactions
Stop saying someone made you feel something. Ask why it landed the way it did. Ownership creates power.

Why Drive Her Forward Exists

I built Drive Her Forward because I saw too many capable women losing momentum.

Not because they lacked discipline or talent. But because they were exhausted from measuring themselves against standards that were never theirs.

They were running someone else’s race and wondering why it felt impossible.

Drive Her Forward is a curated leadership community rooted in intention, structure, and accountability. It’s a space where comparison is replaced with clarity. Where ambition is refined, not performative. Where women are challenged without being shamed.

We celebrate the kids’ tree and the editorial tree. Because leadership is about owning your decisions with confidence.

Final Thought: What’s Your “Tree”?

Where in your life are you quietly comparing yourself to someone else’s version of success?

Take a breath.

Her success is not your deficit. Her pace is not your assignment.

The world doesn’t need more women trying to look the same. It needs women who are steady enough to stand in who they already are.

If you’re ready to stop measuring your leadership against someone else’s standards and start building success your way, Drive Her Forward may be for you.

This is not an open group. It’s a curated community of women going through the same season and connecting in a deep and personal way. 

👉 Apply to the Drive Her Forward membership and lead your life on your terms.